Personal Ad for my Friend's Son


My friend’s son recently left a three year relationship and is single and ready to mingle. While he was transitioning in his housing, he stayed with his parents for about a month.

My friend’s son has numerous positive qualities and characteristics, but there are some that are less than that. Keeping the good the bad and the ugly in mind, I decided to compose a personal ad for my friend’s son.

Dear Bachelorette Number One,

Here is what you should know before you date me.

I am a SWM, 5’5”, with brown hair, brown eyes, 140 pounds, and 21 year old.

I am an accumulator/collector/stockpiler of many items. If someone rang my doorbell and offered my $10 to find 20 random things, I would earn the $10. I like to sit and relax. Some people refer to inactivity as laziness. However I believe it lowers blood pressure and frees your mind. I am very low maintenance when it comes to fashion. By wearing the same rotation of clothes, I avoid decision fatigue. I believe clutter equals creativity and dirt improves your immune system. I have an extremely positive attitude. For example, if I were to fall down the stairs I would think, “Wow! I got down those stairs fast!”

Famous people that I resemble include Tobey Maguire, Lyle Robideaux from Waterboy and Shaggy from Scooby Doo, depending on the day.

I have a job, an apartment and a car. I am dream catch for sure! My average work week involves blasting rust and paint off of large metal objects, driving big trucks, trailers and forklifts, and climbing into small spaces.

My hobbies include sketching, reading, D and D, anime, video games, heavy metal and cider and spirit tasting.

I have traveled here, there and everywhere.  

My ideal woman is someone who is imperfect, any size, confident, and free from care about what others think. It would be beneficial if you are open to a massive variety of fragrances.

Here are a few rules from my mother:

1.       Respect me as his mother.

2.       Be a lady, or at least pretend you are one.

3.       No Drama Queens Allowed!

4.       Make sure you are looking for love, not for help.

5.       Don’t break his heart.

If this sounds like you, call 8675309!

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