Bam Bam Shrimp

 

When I was growing up in the seventies, the above song was popular with the neighborhood kids on Crabtree Lane.

A horse walked into a bar and said, “I’ve got the trots.”

There I was, having drinks and appetizers with Dear Husband and friends. We ordered Bam Bam Shrimp, Charcuterie platter full of decadence, giant pretzel with dipping sauces and fried calamari.

Fast forward to the next morning and Bam Bam turned into Boom Boom. From the deepest depths of my soul came a mighty gurgle and roar. Never have I ever moved so fast to avoid shipping my pants. After what seemed like an eternity, I felt like I might possibly survive. I cautiously dressed in loose fitting clothes and went to school to teach.

There were some pings, and zips, and purrs and rumbles, but I thought all was well as I was getting ready for my reading lesson. …Au contraire mon frère (that is French for I was so very wrong).

Volcano eruptions go through several stages typically beginning with earthquake swarms and gas emissions, then moving to initial steam and ash venting, lava dome buildup, dome collapse, magmatic explosions, more dome growth interspersed with dome failures and finally, ash, lava and pyroclastic eruptions. The same is true for bowel eruptions.

As I was preparing for John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt……I frantically ran into the hall and grabbed a random adult walking through the halls. I pushed a book into their hands and pulled them into my classroom. I said, “Mrs. Teacher has an errand to run, and So and So is going to read you this book.” Luckily the bathroom is less than 5 trots away, so I made it…barely.

In the end, the poo you take is equal to the poo you make. True story.